If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
