And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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