So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
