I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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