Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
