Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
