I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
