lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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