Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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