The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
