he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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