omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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