I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
