Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
