We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
