You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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