Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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