my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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