You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
