I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Congratulations! We have a period
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