bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
