what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
