You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary