she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.