McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
