the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.