can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
