omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is Oprah even human
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
