We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
