I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
