8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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