Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I intend to get homeless drunk
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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