im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
