Your face is a jimmy john
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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