I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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