You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
