I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
