i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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