I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
