His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
