just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
