You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
