Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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