My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want nice things and good sex
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
