thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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