Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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