Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
