His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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