Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just high enough for therapy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
