If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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