let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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