Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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