i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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