The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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