I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
