Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
