I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
