It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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