I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
