You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
