her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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