i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
