when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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