Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
