Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
