shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
