Nicole vs. Life
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I got inside last night via doggy door
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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