He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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