Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
