I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
