So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
