he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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