I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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