Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
