Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
