I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
