okay pat passed out under dana's car
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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