I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
