U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
