dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
