Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
