she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
