Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
